I have received so many emails from people asking what has become of me and they hope I am OK. It is nice to know that even through an anonymous blog there are so many people in the world who care about me. The reason I have not updated this blog is simply because there is nothing new to write. Yes I have been in Israel now for a few months and that is going well. I am making new friends and love being in Eretz Yisrael so very much. And since I am new here I have had more dating activity than what I am used to. I guess there is a pool of men in any particular place and when a new woman moves to town there is a period of lots of possibilities. New people to meet on websites, new events to attend, new shadchanim to use. Just like in America not every offer and not every man who reads my online profile turns into an actual date, but it is nice to be in a new place meeting new people.
However I have not had more than 2 dates with any one man, and so there is nothing substantial to write about on this blog. I have not had a new relationship. Sometimes I am OK with that and sometimes I feel very sad. Sometimes I feel terribly terribly sexually frustrated and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I am terribly lonely and sometimes I feel OK. Sometimes I blame it all on my weight and sometimes I am more philosophical about being single.
I can say that the memories of the one time I kissed someone more than a year ago are both fading and still meaningful. For a while the experience uplifted me and helped me. Now, it is becoming more and more of a non-issue. It is something that I did a long time ago and I am grateful that it happened because as sad as I sometimes feel without that memory I would be much much sadder. It has not changed my views about halacha. I know that I am willing to make very big sacrifices for halacha and also I know that sometimes people reach their limit and thoughts of suicide is an indication of the limit! I do not think about it so much any more. Maybe because I moved to a different country. Every day is a chance to be a different person and I am too busy thinking about where I am now and where I want to be to dwell too much on an event from a year ago. Except that I think about it when I decide to feel sorry for myself, I think about how little one kissing date is to go on for more than a year.
Anyway there is one small piece of news which is that someone contacted me about using material from this blog for a theatrical monologue. I gave her permission under certain conditions. So now the blog is a dance and it will also be theater. Who could have seen that being Shomer Negiah would lead to so many multimedia creations?
I do not think I will post again for a long time since as you see I do not want to post unless there is something new to say. Who knows when that will be? I have been thinking about making this blog into my feelings about being overweight but I am not ready. Being overweight is a reason for a “primal scream” all by itself but I am not ready to do it. Maybe in a few months, who knows.
Until then thank you for caring about me and to all the people who wrote to me about their own substantial personal issues, I wish you happiness.
